Baseball Card of Me on a Blue Team

Title: Soon to be cut from the team
Date: Sometime around 1983
Category: Baseball Card
Current status: Off to get professionally graded and auctioned off

With Baseball Season just around the corner, I like to think back on all those times when I dressed up in a miniature baseball uniform and went and stood in the outfield for several hours on a Saturday morning.
I played some form of baseball with the YMCA for about 5 years. There was T-ball, and 5-pitch, and then actual baseball. I think this one might have been actual baseball, but I don't remember. My baseball career was incredibly forgettable.
In fact, the only things worth mentioning is that I hit a grand slam once, played catcher and outfield, was pretty fast, and I spent a few years playing with Matt Blank, who would grow up to pitch for the Montreal Expos. There really isn't much else worth mentioning.
I do want to point out my stylin' wristbands that don't really match the uniform. The other thing I'd like to point out is my fabulous teeth, which were my most valuable feature during my baseball years, because my teammates could use them to open the sodas we got at the end of the game.

Here, for no good reason, is the back of the card, featuring absolutely nothing useful.

Polar Bears Soccer Team Photo

Title: Polar Bears Soccer Club Team Picture
Date: mid-80's
Category: Pictures
Current status: Trying to get Applebee's to put it on their wall as decoration

When I was a kid, there were two levels of soccer... YMCA teams and "City" teams. I played for the Y for a year or so, but most of my friends played for city clubs. I wanted to play on a city team, but my parents wouldn't let me at first because they would play some games on Sunday mornings and my forced indoctrination into the Protestant sect of the Jesus Club was more vital (to my parents) than playing soccer.

Eventually, I don't remember how, the relented and I signed up to play on a club called The Polar Bears (later, just the Bears). In what has remained the standard for my soccer career, the team I joined was terrible. I mean, we sucked. We lost pretty much every game.

I'd like to know who the hell though "Polar Bears" would be a good name for a soccer team in Texas?

I remember a few of the other teams we played... there were the elite Panthers, the Celtics, and the StarBlazers. They always kicked our butts.

Ray Grabeel played on one of those other teams, but he swears he doesn't remember any team ever calling itself The Polar Bears and I think he thinks I made it up. Well, look at the picture... that's real. Would I Photoshop something as awful as that? Look at those socks! And the short shorts... no, nobody would willing fake a picture of themselves like this.

I played for 2 or 3 years before giving up on it. It probably didn't help that I was almost always a "Fullback". In kiddie soccer, the fullback (defender) position is tantamount to being an outfielder on a T-ball team... it's where the less talented players went. I got to play midfield once, and I remember it vividly because it was the only time I ever crossed the mid-field line. I remember thinking how weird everything looked that close to the other teams goal.

I actually wasn't a bad goalkeeper, the the coaches' kids pretty much always got to be goalkeeper. Damn nepotism.

Anyway, here are some bonus pictures. The back of the photo holder:and the business card of the guy who made his living taking pictures of crappy youth soccer teams.

Apparently, he also took pictures of pretty much anything that involved a paying client. You don't see "Banquets" mentioned very often anymore. And I doubt that many people who hold "Banquets" automatically think of a guy who calls himself "Captain Photo" as their first choice for official photography.

Baseball Card of Me

Title: Scorpions Catcher/Outfielder Johnny Lamberth
Date: 1983/1984
Category: Trading Cards
Current Status: In the collectors album next to the MC Hammer rookie card

Somebody came up with the great idea to make baseball cards of kids playing in the YMCA league. Seems like a lot of fun.
I played some form of baseball for about 5 years I think. 2 years of T-ball, a year of slow pitch, and a couple of years of regular baseball. I sucked. That's why I was usually in the outfield (where most kids couldn't hit it to anyway) or catcher (nobody expects an 8 year old to do anything at catcher).
I think this was a T-ball team, but I really am not sure. I remember the Scorpions team, because it was one of my favorites, largely because we had a scorpion logo on our hats. Most teams just had a letter or nothing at all. We had actual scorpions.
The only other thing I remember was that I played on this team with the Blank twins, Matt & Jake. Matt Blank went on to kick butt at Martin and his stellar pitching, along with future American League Rookie of the Year Ben Grieve's great hitting, helped Martin win the state title my senior year. Matt ended up going pro after college and played some with the now defunct Montreal Expos. And that is as close as I ever got to anything resembling a great baseball story.
Let's see... this was before I got braces as you can see one of my Bugs Bunny like front teeth jutting out and that glove is waaaay too big for me. Meanwhile, the back of the card with the "stats" is pretty entertaining too:

I went by "Johnny." Why? I don't really know. Coach liked to link me to Johnny Bench because we were both catchers, but there really was no chance I would ever come within the same universe of Bench's ability to play the game. Meanwhile, I was a towering 4 feet tall and 53 pounds. I'm over 4 times that weight now and unfortunately, I'm nowhere near 4 times as tall.
I'll be honest... I didn't give a rip about the Texas Rangers or Buddy Bell at the time. I said they were my favorites because really, I didn't know any other teams or players. I had to put something down.